The Silent Monster

21 again! haha. Thanks everyone for all the well wishes, they are very appreciated. Today’s post is one I’ve been holding on to for a while. Seeing as I’m 21 again and everything, I thought today would be the perfect day to share it. Thanks to everyone who made suggestions on how to improve it. I hope you like it as much as I do. Loads of love,



silent monster

The Silent Monster

I wish it came with jingling bells,

Something, anything, so I’d be prepared when it comes

Some warning, so I don’t feel the oomph in my chest

Some warning, so my heart doesn’t beat as fast.


I wish it didn’t lure me in,

Strap my feet to the ground,

Mire me in memories,

Burdened with longing and regret.


I wish it didn’t take my breath away

Creep in, while I try to enjoy a glass of wine,

Catch me mid-speech while I’m out with friends,

Silence me in the shower, in the middle of my best Adele.


I wish it didn’t hound me with images,

Insistent that I remember, when life seemed like perfection

They say closure is an illusion,

I say nostalgia is worse.



I wrote this a couple of years ago, and then recently a new and improved version got published in the @KeeleCreativeWriting Society’s anthology of fiction. So I thought I’d share, especially since there’s now a sequel which I’ll put up pretty soon (don’t worry, I won’t flake out, it’s already written lol). There’s many ways this could have gone, and if you’ve got any ideas I’d love to hear them. For the moment, here’s the first part, I hope you enjoy it! :*

“Have I told you how much I love you?” Nathan asked, inching closer. Bree looked up from the book she was reading, one of the many books she kept on her bedside table for sleepless nights. She was surprised to find him still sleeping.

“It’s hard to find the words,” he said and snuggled in.

I should have known Bree thought, taking off her reading glasses and turning off her lamp. Nathan was never this expressive, especially these past few months. She didn’t mind hearing it this way though. When she was falling asleep a few minutes later, she still had a smile on her face and Nathan’s arm around her midsection.

She found him in the kitchen the next morning, already dressed for work. She stood for a moment and studied him as he wolfed down his cereal, taking in his broad shoulders and high cheekbones. He was wearing the blue shirt she bought him for their three-year anniversary. She loved how the shirt fit, the shade of blue complementing his dark skin. They had first met at Suzanne’s birthday dinner and with his rugged good looks and boundless charisma all her friends had thought he was too good to be true. Even she thought so when he wouldn’t stop calling her, until a month later when he finally convinced her to go on a date with him.

“Morning!” she said, still feeling quite chipper from the night before.

“Morning,” he replied. He looked up, and caught her looking at him. As if that was his cue, he dumped his bowl in the sink and grabbed his bag. He gave her a perfunctory peck on the cheek before heading out. Just like that, Bree felt the high spirits she had woken up with deflate. Rather than the leisurely breakfast she had envisioned, she rushed through her bowl of cereal and dressed up for work.

As senior analyst at her firm she could arrive later than everyone else. She liked to wait till the morning rush had died down before heading in. She arrived in time to catch the end of the junior analysts’ morning meeting before entering her cubicle. An hour later and she was still staring at the same page of today’s financial report, too distracted by thoughts of Nathan’s nighttime declarations and his attitude this morning to focus.

“Penny for your thoughts,” she heard behind her, making her jump in her seat. Nelly, one of the junior analysts, smiled at her from the cubicle adjacent to her own. Knowing Nelly would gossip if she told her, she laughed and told a joke instead. For the rest of the day she ploughed through the report, trying her best not to think of Nathan.

Before the clock struck five Bree was up and packing, in a hurry to get home before Nathan. She wanted a luxurious bubble bath and a glass of wine. As she drove home, she reminisced about the early part of their relationship. Nathan would meet her after work and they’d have a few drinks and a meal or, even watch a movie before saying goodnight. She missed those times, when Nathan couldn’t seem to get enough of her. It was his idea to move in together, a year after they became a couple. She wondered if this had been a mistake.

Lapsed catholic though she was, she had had reservations about moving in with a guy before she was married. Moving in with Nathan had caused arguments with her mother, who still had conventional views and disapproved of Bree’s decision. “I need this to work” she thought. She parked her Toyota Yaris in their two car garage, happy to see Nathan’s Nissan Rogue absent. She couldn’t bear the thought of what her mom and her cronies would say if this ended. Especially now that she had just turned thirty. Already there were subtle digs about when she and Nathan would tie the knot. Her mom never missed a chance to make her disapproval clear.

Two hours and a long soak in the bath later, she came downstairs to find Nathan stretched out on the couch watching football. He was no longer in his work clothes; he had clearly been home a while.

“Didn’t hear you come in,” she said to him.

“I didn’t want to disturb you,” he said, studiously avoiding eye contact.

“When is that ever disturbing?” Bree asked him.

“Calm down Bree,” Nathan said.

Without another word she turned and went upstairs.

Halfway up the stairs she turned around again and headed back to the hall.

“I’m tired of this Nathan,” she said. “I don’t know how much longer I can take this.”

“Take what exactly,” Nathan said and looked at her.

“This coldness between us,” she said. “lately things just seem so off”

“They do?” he asked, pulling her into his arms. “Nothing’s off, I still feel the same; or have things changed for you?” he asked, nibbling on her ear.

Bree let out a sigh. It was just her imagination after all.

“You know they haven’t,” she replied, snuggling in closer. She tried to remember the last time they had done something like this.

A few hours later; with Nathan by her side, she was just about to turn off her night-light when she heard Nathan mumble something. Eager to hear what he would say this time, she inched closer her book and night-light all but forgotten.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,” he said. Bree smiled. Take that mom! She thought. Perhaps she would always wait for Nathan to fall asleep first. Then she could hear all the lovely things he would never say to her when he was awake.

“I love you Megan,” he said.

Feeling as if she had just taken a bullet to the heart, Bree shot out of bed, knocking down her lamp and waking Nathan. For a moment she looked at him without speaking, her mom had won after all.


You’re sitting at a window seat in the new coffee shop down the road. It was a good decision to come here after all; you think. It’s very quiet for a Saturday.  You turn away from the window to look around the room, glad for the unexpected solitude the lack of clientele gives you.
You look back outside and see what seems like the umpteenth couple to pass by in the 30 minutes you’ve been sitting there. They walk past hand in hand. She’s smiling. It’s such a broad smile. A real expression of happiness.
Suddenly it doesn’t seem like such a good idea to be sitting at the window.
You were happy once before.

Now your days are spent marking the hours till the day is over. You haven’t smiled in ages, sometimes you wonder if your mouth still remembers how.

Your mind drifts back to the last time. You turn your head a fraction to the left, not wanting to but unable to stop yourself from looking over at the spot where your life changed.

You can almost see yourself sitting at that table, laughing, happy. Digging into the chicken pasta Alfredo that was your usual fare whenever you came there.

Back when the coffee shop was an Italian restaurant of course.

Your favorite place to eat, the both of you.

You try to tear your eyes away, but it’s too late now.

The sequence plays out, almost like a movie.

One minute you’re laughing at some joke he’s told. You’re thinking about how good the pasta tastes, better than it’s been all week.

You look up and he’s slumped on the table.

“Get up,” you say, thinking it’s some macabre joke.

You wish it had been a joke.

Everything between then and the hospital is a blur. You can’t remember how the blanket you eventually found around your shoulders got there; or even how you got to the hospital. There’s a girl next to you, wearing the restaurant’s waitress uniform. You didn’t notice her before.

You can remember the pain though. The gut-wrenching pain. The pain that comes when the doctor comes to find you in the waiting room, somber.

You remember wondering whether it’s one of the things they get taught in school. The bad news look. The look that says it’s all gone to hell.

In your mind, you’re silently screaming.

You almost don’t hear him when he says “I’m afraid we lost him”.

You tuned him out after the first “I’m sorry”.

Those words jolt you back to reality.

They ask if there’s anyone you can call to be with you.

You take out your phone in a daze. Press 1 on your speed dial and it starts to ring. Your purse vibrates. Of course, you’ve got his phone. You must have grabbed it on your way to the hospital. That’s when it hits you. He’s never going to answer when you call. He’s gone, left you behind.

A ruptured aneurysm, the doctor says. You don’t know what that is. They’re hard to catch the doctor says. But you hardly hear him. You’re trying to remember the last thing you told him. You wish you could remember, but you can’t. You can’t even remember what the joke was. You can remember how good the pasta was, but you can’t remember his words. You start to laugh, you laugh so hard your shoulders are shaking. The doctor looks at you, alarmed. He can’t get away fast enough.

The sound of the door chime brings you back to the present.

You look up to see a large group trooping in. You sigh, your solitude is over.

You resign yourself to the thought of going back to your apartment, where your mother is waiting.

You came to the coffee shop to be away from her. You’re tired of having to explain that grieving your dead fiance a year later is only natural. Your mother’s extended visit which was a blessing in the beginning, when remembering to do normal things like eat was a hassle, has now become a pain. Still, you’re grateful. You at least had her to lean on in the worst of it. You pick up your cup of coffee with a sigh, intending to gulp it down and leave before the group settles in and the chatter becomes unbearable.

You look up and lock eyes with one of them, a guy.

He’s looking at you so intently, and he breaks into a smile.

Before you know it, your lips are moving.

Your mouth remembers after all, you smile.

You take a sip of your coffee and set your cup down.

Maybe you’ll stay a while.A_time_for_a_cup_of_coffee


Hello people! I know it’s been a while but I hope this more than makes up for my long silence 🙂 enjoy!


Tracy looked at the filthy probably smelly guy that had suddenly appeared at her car window, wondering where he had appeared from since he hadn’t been there a mere 5 seconds before. Just as she was rolling down she was jolted with the realization that under all the filth, she knew that face. At first she thought it was because she often saw him on that same stretch of road smoking cigarettes, the cigarette stick being the only clean thing about him. Until it hit her how she really knew him. Joojo? She said furtively. The look of shock on his face was enough confirmation for her. It was him. Thankfully the light turned green at that precise moment and she used the opportunity to speed off, so overwhelmed by different emotions the thought of stopping at the nearby bus stop so she could talk to him never occurring to her.

 “I swear it was him!” she said to her friend Enyo some 45 minutes later. After seeing Joojo she couldn’t bring herself to continue her journey and 30 minutes later she found herself parked outside her bestfriend’s gate, now calling to find out if she was actually in. Enyo had barely opened the door when Tracy asked her if she remembered Joojo.

 “Joojo as in Joojo Quansah?” Enyo asked, understandably surprised her friend was dredging up memories from a chapter of their lives both of them had tried hard to forget over the last decade.

“Yes” Tracy replied. “The almighty Joojo Quansah, now clothed in rags and filth.”

“I just can’t wrap my mind around the idea” Enyo said, “who’d have ever imagined”.

Tracy sighed heavily, her mind drawn to the time 10 years ago when she had told Joojo she was ending things with him. Remembering the scorn in his eyes still gave her chills. The way his entourage had laughed with him at her expense when he called her boring.

“Plenty more where you came from” he had said, gesturing towards the scantily clad girls strewn all over the room, most of them hoping to catch his eye.

Of everything he said that day; Tracy remembered that statement had hit the hardest, seeing as he was the one that had relentlessly pursued her, refusing to accept no for an answer.

She felt a tug on her arm that brought her back to the present,

“Earth to Tracy” Enyo said, “don’t tell me you’re imagining what your babies would have looked like”.

Rather than tell her what she had actually been thinking, Tracy laughed off her accusation and discretely steered the issue towards other matters


Two days later she was driving down that same stretch beside the 37 military hospital when she spotted him from afar. Without consciously realizing what she was doing she parked at the nearest bus stop, and only when she got out and was locking the car did she acknowledge what she was about to do, her courage nearly deserting her. She stood rooted to the spot for a minute, talking herself into walking towards him.

“What’s the worse that can happen?” she rationalized to herself as she walked towards him.

She waited till she was right behind him and then tapped him. He turned almost aggressively and then stopped short when he saw her. For a fleeting moment she thought he had recognized her and started to smile but her smile immediately dropped when the next thing out of his mouth was “money for cigarette madam, me I no go lie you, ibe cigarette I want buy” he continued in the pidgin English people of his caliber often resorted to.

“Joojo it’s me” she said, “Tracy, don’t you remember me?”

“Tracy who?” was his arrogant reply as he stormed off, muttering about people who wasted time with talk rather than giving the money they were meant to.

Undaunted, she followed him, “we were in university together” she tried to remind him. “We dated in level 100”.

All she got was a “leave me alone” before he crossed to the other side of the road and left her looking at him, mouth agape.



Tracy got out of her brand new Kia Optima. If any of her achievements in the past 6 years filled her with pride, this was it. It had almost cleaned out her account but it was totally worth it. She loved the sleek lines of the car and the silver colour she had chosen. She checked her reflection one last time, making sure every hair was in place and her lipstick was still sharp. This was her first meeting with these people and she’d be damned if she didn’t leave them with a good first impression. She considered it a great compliment that they had requested her specifically to be the primary consultant on this case. Her boss had been very mysterious about who she was meeting and the nature of the job. Once her boss had agreed however, she had no fears about the meeting as he was fiercely protective of her. She walked briskly to the entrance, checking her reflection once again when she got to the glass door. With a flip of her hair, she pushed the door open- using as it turned out much more force than required so that rather than the elegant walk she had intended entering the room with, she found herself stumbling into the room. As if that wasn’t enough, she righted herself and lifted her head only to find herself face to face with Joojo Quansah.


Hey! So I know it’s been ages since I put anything up but I hope you’ll find this worth the wait. It was inspired by Pink’s just give me a reason. Enjoy.



“Have I told you how much I love you?” Nathan said, inching in closer. Bree looked up from the book she was reading, a little surprised ‘cos she thought he was sleeping and then more surprised cos he was still sleeping.

“I try to find the words to describe it but then I find myself at a loss for words. I love you babe” he continued and snuggled in further.
I should have known he was still sleeping Bree thought, putting her book aside and turning off her lamp. Nathan was never this expressive with her, especially in the last few months when their relationship had fallen into a boring lull. She didn’t mind hearing it this way though, made it all the more real.
When she was falling asleep a few minutes later, she still had a smile on her face, and now Nathan’s arm round her mid-section.

She found him in the kitchen the next morning, already dressed for work. She stood at the door for a moment, unnoticed and studied him as he wolfed down his cereal before going in.
“Morning love” she said, still feeling quite chipper from his declaration the previous night.
“Morning” he replied shortly, no hint of the love from the previous night.
Taken a bit aback she turned to look at him, pausing for a moment from grabbing the milk from the fridge. He looked up just in time to catch her looking at him and as if that was a cue he grabbed his bowl and bag, dumped the bowl in the sink and and gave her a perfunctory peck on the cheek before heading out.
Just like that Bree felt the high spirits she had woken up with deflate and rather than the leisurely breakfast she had envisioned she quickly finished a bowl of of cereal and then dressed up for work.

At work she found herself restless, thinking about the sharp contrast between Nathan’s love declarations the night before and his attitude that morning.
“Penny for your thoughts” she heard behind her, making her jump in her seat. She looked behind her to see Nelly looking at her from her cubicle which was adjacent to her own.
“You seem to be a million miles away” Nelly said.Knowing how fast her life’s story would spread if she let out a word of it to Nelly, she laughed and told a mundane joke, more to get her mind off her woes than for Nelly’s sake even. For the rest of the day she ploughed through her work, trying her best not to think of Nathan and his recent coldness.

Before the clock struck five Bree was up and packing, in a hurry to get home before Nathan and luxuriate in a bubble bath with a glass of wine. As she packed, she reminisced about the early part of their relationship when Nathan would meet her up after work and they’d have a few drinks and then a meal before or even watch a movie before they each went home. Sometimes she wondered if she hadn’t made a big mistake agreeing to move in with him.

Two hours and a long soak in the bath later, she got downstairs to find Nathan was already stretched on the couch, no longer in his workclothes meaning he’d been home for a while.
“Didn’t hear you come in” she said to him, surprised he hadn’t even come upstairs to say hi.
“Didn’t want to disturb you” he replied, looking a little sheepish.
“When is that ever disturbing?!” Bree asked him, her voice rising a little higher than she would have liked.
It didn’t help either that Nathan’s next reply was to tell her to calm down.
Without another word, she turned and went upstairs, trying to break away from her tag of being the confrontational one. Halfway up the stairs she found herself doing a 360, almost against her will and headed back to the hall.
“I’m tired of this Nathan” she said. “I don’t much longer I can take this”
“Take what exactly?” was Nathan’s reply.
“This…this..coldness between us” she sputtered. “I know we’ve never been an expressive couple but lately things seem so off” she continued.
“They do? it’s all in your mind babe” he said, pulling her into his arms.
“Nothing’s off, I still feel the same; or have they changed for you?” he asked, nibbling on her ear.
Bree just let out a sigh
“You know they haven’t” she replied, snuggling in closer. She tried to remember the last time they had done something like this and she couldn’t even remember.

Two hours later. with Nathan asleep by her side, she was just about to put her book away and turn off her night light when she heard Nathan mumble something. Eager to hear what he would say this time, she inched in closer, her book and night light all but forgotten.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before” he said, making Bree smile. She was just thinking about how she would always wait for Nathan to sleep first so she could hear him say all the things he wouldn’t say when he was wide awake when she heard him say

“I love you..Maame Esi”.

Feeling as if she had just taken a bullet to the heart, Bree shot out of the bed and landed him a hot slap.

100 Truths about AJ

Yes yes, this blog was supposed to help me overcome my laziness writer’s block and what not and yet I haven’t posted in a minute..well more than a minute but I’m posting now aren’t I? Anyways while I’m waiting for my creative juices to flow once again (or my laziness to magically disappear so I complete one of my drafts), I saw this 100 truths thingy on a number of blogs and thought I should try my hands at it. So here you go, 100 things you may or may not have previously known about me :-D.


1. Last Drink: Pineapple juice (last night)

2. Last phone call: Kwamena Hazel (@kayhazel) does it count if I missed it? lol

3. Last text message: Last whatsapp more Bernard Tetteh (@BTetteh)

4. Last song I listened to: I don’t really remember which was last, but I remember Battle scars ft. Lupe Fiasco and Blurred Lines being on the play list.

5. Last time I cried: Probably at my grandmum’s funeral like 3 weeks ago.


6. Dated someone twice: Nope

7. Been Cheated on: I don’t think so. lol

8. Kissed someone: take a wild guess

9. Lost someone special: definitely.

10. Been depressed: Super sad, yes. Idk if it got to a level you could call depression though

11. Been drunk and threw up: Never ever, not even the drunk part alone.


12. erm..Purple?

13. Red

14. Pink

15. Yellow

sidebar: Red/pink for the lipstick 😀 as for purple and yellow…..well they asked for four so… -___-


16. Made new friends: yup not a lot though

17. Fallen out of love: uhuh

18. Laughed until you cried: Several times! My friends can be pretty silly

19. Met someone who changed you: didn’t exactly change me

20. Found out who your true friends were: umm… I guess not….they’re all still here…virtually especially the besties.

21. Found out someone was talking about you: Don’t people always? *conceited* lool

22Kissed anyone on your friends list: err which friends list?? No. No I haven’t (I’m not lying!)

23. How many people on your friend’s list do you know in real life: This friend’s list again! Anyways I really can’t tell. 

24. Do you have any pets: They’re not mine exactly…

25. Name something you CANNOT wait for: ermm…idk I’m a pretty patient gal :p

25. Do you want to change your name: Nope! I looovee eeet! There was a point in time I thought it’d be nice to have an english name though.

sidebar #2: sheesh! this is more work than I thought. Maybe I should have completed one of those drafts after all. 😥

26. What did you do for your last birthday: Dinner with a friend 😉

27. What time did you wake up today: 6 something (a.m). When I was up virtually half the night. Don’t look at me, ask these eyes that don’t like to stay shut.

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping like nor…nvm (what? the half the night thing was later on)

29. Last time you saw your father: Like 4 days ago.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Nothing actually. It’s been awesome so far thank you Almighty.

31. What are you listening to right now: sexy love – Ne Yo

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Doubt I know any

33. What’s getting on your nerves right now?: It’s a long story

34. Most visited webpage:

35. Current city: Accra, Ghana
36. Nicknames: AJ, msMarlinPotter
37. Relationship Status: Single.
38. Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

39. Male or female or transgendered:  Female!
40. Primary School:  Sap’s School, eventually. (There was Jack & Jill, St. Anthony’s odorkor, Daras before then)

41. Middle School: 0_0 erm…still Sap’s. 

42. High school: St. Mary’s, Korle gonno 

43. Hair color:  Brownish. What they call colour

44. Long/medium/short: long

45. Height: 5″something x_x Idk for sure.
46. Do you have a crush on someone: I could name several 😉
47. What do you like about yourself: Loads of things but I’m not going to blow that horn
48. Piercings: one on each earlobe.

49. Tattoos: None

50. Righty or Lefty: Righty


51. First Surgery: no surgery as yet

52. First Piercing: erm…I was too young to keep track

53. First Best Friend: Linda Akorful if I remember correctly.

54. First Sport you Joined: Never ‘joined’ a sport. I am totally not the sporty kind. 

55. First Pet: Never owned a pet.

56. First Vacation: I’m guessing it was after my first term in nursery. Or they didn’t mean that kind? -_-
57. First Concert: ei does GH Rocks count? If yes, two or three years ago, GH Rocks. If no, then yes, my life Keep it moving.

58. First Crush: This just became 99


59. Eating: I’m chewing gum  x_0

60. Drinking: nothing

61. Already missing: 😀

62. I’m about to: Check out my reader on wordpress
63. Listening to: My Boo – Usher/ Alicia Keys
64. Thinking about: Loads of things
65. Waiting for: nothing/ no one


66. Want kids: Yes.
67. Want to get married: Yuup!
68. Careers in mind: Psychologist



69. Lips or eyes: Lips -_-
70. Hugs or kisses: Both! (sue me!)
71. Shorter or taller: Taller!

72.Older or Younger: Older ^_^
73. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic
74. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach [no potbellies] lol
75. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
76. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
77. Trouble maker or hesitant:  Hesitant


78. Drank hard liquor: ^_^
79. Lost glasses/contacts: 
Nope, no eye issues, never needed those.
80. Kissed on 1st date: 
81: Broken someone’s heart: 
You’ll have to ask ’em
82. Had your own heart broken: 
>_>   <_<
83. Been arrested: 
Kinda, for the most ridiculous you know how this Ghana police can be. lol
84. Turned someone down: Yes
85. Cried when someone died: Yah
86. Liked a friend that is of the same sex: Nope.

87. Yourself: Not as often as I’d like
88. Miracles: Yes!
89. Love at first sight: Idk I guess.
90. Heaven: Yes!!
91. Santa Claus: Does any Ghanaian my age?

92. Kissing on the first date: Nope
93. Angels: Yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY: but isn’t that the whole point?
94. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: maybe
95. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?: No
96. Wish you could change things in your past?: Loads of things.

97. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life?: Yup!


98. Author: Marian Keyes! I love her style and she’s funny!

99. Song: Changes aalll the time!

100. Are you posting this as 100 Truths?:  Yup!

Ha! Finally! All done! There you have it! 100 things you didn’t know about me. Or did you? lol

#Dear Future Husband

I thought this was awesome! hope you think so too after reading

Memoirs of a Woman with Chutzpah

 My one&only husby,

I’m hoping you read this but even if I haven’t met you, I know I will soon. We’ve all been waiting for you for a while now. What’s keeping you? Was your flight delayed or are you too busy making our millions? My aunties keep asking, my mum keeps praying and even my father has a look in his eyes these days like “Oh girl, how far? Wetin dey happen?” I used to tell them you were on the next bus coming into town but then I realised that my future husband would have a car and not just one of those that went toh-toh-toh with thick exhaust fumes and body-odor laced wind-conditioning. Also he would not be a johnny-just-come so brothers in the village or who recently moved to town please do not see me in a vision or ask pastor about me.

My dear husband…

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